A linguistical discovery pertaining to a much understated dialect

It's late. My practical brain tells me I should be asleep, or at least on my way towards it. But I'm not. And I don't wish to be, for I am indulging in a discovery I made concerning a delightful language I'm learning. It's an emotional language that requires dedication and constant engagement if one wishes to develop an adequate vocabulary. It's a universal language, spoken in different dialects all across the world. It's a personal language, one which not everyone fully understands. It's the language of music.

I've been learning this language since I was 5 years old. I'm now 19 and a half. But today I felt that I realised a whole new world of possibilities. I discovered that as well as a student of this language, I am also a creator of it, that no one will ever speak it exactly the same way as I do, whether it be through the medium of composition, arrangement, or performance. Each time I listen to an artist, I am presented with a picture, an emotion, a colour they have strived to create and express. Maybe I will like it; maybe I will not. Perhaps I will thrill with excitement and awe; perhaps I will cringe in pain. Similarly, each time I play my music, the one who listens will respond in some way.

Perhaps this sounds crazy. Perhaps it sounds obvious. To me it sounds life-changing.

From today I will probably define the role of any true music teacher as that of aiding their student to express their own interpretation of a piece of music. At first, they probably need to present their pupil with a definite tone or colour to create, as most early learners don't yet realize what they are out to achieve (For a beginner pianist, the early excitements and achievements come in learning middle C is middle C; in learning "Chopsticks" or "Fur Elise"; in passing an exam or two. I speak from experience, can you tell?!). But the next or concurrent stage is to help their charge to cultivate an ear for music, not just notes. From there they are to assist them to express the music they hear and feel to the best of their ability. I was told from an early age I had a good ear for music, but I seem to have stumbled at the next hurdle. For years I have waited to be told *how* to play, assuming that to successfully create music by myself I had to somehow imitate what those far above me in terms of technique, experience, and opportunities were doing. Until today I never fully understood the freedom I have as a musician in my own right. I am not just one of thousands and thousands of music students listening wistfully to the famous artists all around the globe! I have tutors all around me from whom I learn much, but from me they too will learn, albeit a tiny, almost insignificant modicum it may seem.

How I finally discovered this will unfortunately take too long to recount here and now, but as my musical journey continues I know I will look back on today as the day when I acknowledged how important music is as a language to me. I think I now long to speak it even better than I speak English. So much of playing music requires listening to yourself, something I have struggled with constantly. Discovering what I did today, I now want to play more and more, and listen to every note, asking myself as I go whether I am expressing myself as fully as I would wish to, whether I am conveying to those around me the sense of awe and thankfulness I feel to God for His gift of music. I declare I would sacrifice my sleep to play the piano if I could do so without disturbing my family and neighbours. But as I cannot, I can do the next best thing, and sleep so I may be refreshed to play tomorrow. Goodnight!