Sunshine

Dearie me, where has time gone? No doubt many bored people who have stumbled across this page must think I've gone into hibernation for the winter. Perhaps I did.

But I'm back now and much rejuvenated from my gloriously sunny sojourn in Qld. So many precious moments of laughter, tears, and simple tranquility made my journey a gift, but there is one moment I particularly want to share with you, for it has greatly affected my outlook in the last couple of days.

It started out as a simple remark at the breakfast table one day last week. The weather hadn't quite made up its mind what it was doing yet, being neither warm & welcoming nor cold & discouraging, and the sun was still trying to decide whether to come out from its hiding place or not. As we mused over what the outcome would be, someone (I think it was my best friend's mother) made the observation that the sun would still keep shining even if it was covered by the clouds. In the end I don't remember exactly how the weather played out but the comment stuck.

A few days later I flew back to Melbourne. The plane was high in the sky, and all around us was blue sky and sunshine. It was such a glorious sight that my heart sang for joy. Soon afterwards the plane began its descent into Melbourne, and the clouds became increasingly prominent. My heart sank as the cheerful abandon above the clouds gave way to a darker, doleful atmosphere. All that glorious sunshine, all that clear blue sky... gone in just a few hundred/thousand feet.

But it isn't, I remembered in a flash. The sun is still shining! It wasn't merely a philosophic statement anymore, I knew it... I saw it... I experienced it.

So, moments later as I stood shivering in Melbourne's idea of a typical winter day -- for the record, I much prefer Brisbane's, but that's beside the point! -- over and over I repeated to myself, The sun is still shining, the sun is still shining...

So now, when dark, depressing clouds loom in my horizon, I look up, smile, and remember the sun is still shining. And not only that, the Son is always shining and always will be, even for Eternity...

A composer's lot...

... is to try, try, again... until you succeed... in capturing a concept that works... even if it comes... right on bedtime...

*hours later*

What am I doing again?! Does this even work?! What time is it?! What day is it?!

Welcome to a taste of my semester! Don't dream about secundal, quartal, or quintal harmony, poly-chords, violent clusters, or klangfarbenmelodie now. :-p

Friendships

This evening I rediscovered a friend of mine. A greatly beloved friend. A neglected friend.

I did not find this friend via Facebook. I did not receive a random phone call, text, or email, and I did not accidentally bump into this friend down the street. Yet we still met.

Our conversation was stilted at first. It was awkward. It was sad. We used to be *so* close, we had talked for hours... shared so many precious moments... laughed, cried, and danced together... But tonight neither of us knew what to say.

After the initial embarrassment over our estranged relationship had passed, we started interacting. Slowly, cautiously interacting, but it was contact. And it was beautiful.

So who exactly is this friend and how did we reconnect?

All in good time...

Meanwhile... I have decided to leave Facebook, a move I have been contemplating seriously since university started back 8 weeks ago. I'm in my 3rd year of my Bachelor of Music degree, and I want to make the most of the opportunities university presents me with. With my health still unstable, I am trying to be smarter with my time this year, a task made a lot harder by the soporific drug that is Facebook! I confess, I have found that any time I need a break from study my internet browser effortlessly finds its way to Facebook, and suddenly a 5-minute break escalates to 30 minutes or more. There are too many photos to view, games to play, comments, perspectives, and debates to follow. I could shrug off my frequent procrastination and argue that I am merely 'connecting' with my friends, some of whom I have not seen for years, but deep down I know more times than not I end up restless and discontented after my 'time-out'. That's not the person I want to become.

But there is another reason why I am leaving Facebook. Communication is a two-way street, a street I don't always travel very well, I'm afraid, as the introvert inside me is hesitant to *initiate* conversation with a majority of my friends, never quite confident enough to believe people will be glad to hear from me. (What an insult to my friends' integrity and kindness!) How much easier it is to hide behind the shadow of Facebook and view people's pages and believe one has connected with them. But someone's Facebook page is not who they really are. It only shows what a person chooses to reveal of themselves through their comments, photos, debates, etc. Of course, one might argue that is the same for all forms of communication, but these other forms are at least mutual interaction, i.e. letters/emails/faxes/phone calls sent from one person to the other. Facebook allows you to gain all this information without the other person knowing. I'm tired, I'm probably waffling, but I hope you can gather what I'm trying to say.

I am actually a very shy person at heart (some of my acquaintance may find that hard to believe, but it's true!), I am uncomfortable voluntarily sharing information about myself, and I'd hate to think people judge me by my Facebook page! That's partially why I started this blog, although I came awfully close to deleting it straight away! I want it to be a practical means whereby I can share what's happening in my life with people that are interested in more than the 2-minute-noodles version provided by Facebook.

Facebook is not a bad invention if used wisely. I just don't know that I can use it wisely.

Now, to return to my friend I mentioned earlier, whom you have probably all forgotten about by now! This friend is... my violin. Ever since I succumbed to my illness (cytomegloid virus, if anyone is interested) I have entirely abandoned my violin, although we were drifting apart much earlier than that. But a friend at uni has asked me to play a piece for her organ exam at the end of the year, and so, on a whim, I decided to take out my violin and see what I have been missing these past few months. With my focus on piano these past few years, my tone and technique have deteriorated, but it felt *so* good to rediscover what used to be a treasure. Suddenly I was 7 years old again, in my violin teacher's home with his painting of Beethoven looking down on me and his cookie jar filled with sweets beckoning invitingly in the corner. Happy memories...

This really has been a rambling post, hasn't it. I'm sorry. But I guess I owed you one after these weeks of silence. Hopefully once I've deactivated my Facebook account I shall find more time to post on here... Here's hoping! Thanks for reading, whoever you are. :-)

Praise You in this Storm

I was sure by now,
God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining...

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you."
And as Your mercy falls,
I'll raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away.

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm,
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are.
No matter where I am,
And every tear I've cried,
You hold in Your hand,
You never left my side.
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone,
How can I carry on
If I can't find You?

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you."
And as Your mercy falls,
I'll raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills,
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

[Chorus]

Lyrics by Mark Hall & Bernie Herms; Sung by Casting Crowns

Do you know?

I found this poem in a book I've been reading, The Unexpected Adventure. The poem is written by a woman called Maggie whose only contact with Christianity had been with hypocrites during her childhood. Later in life she went along to a Christianity vs. atheism debate hoping to hear Christianity publicly disproved but instead was intrigued by the persuasive arguments offered by the Christian debater. Cautiously, she decided to look into Christianity through written letters to the pastor of the church hosting the debate, one of the book's authors. Soon afterwards she joined a small group where she could investigate more and more for herself with the help of the Christian leaders, and consequently wrote this poem to the pastor.

Do you know,

Do you understand,

That you represent

Jesus to me?

Do you know,

Do you understand,

That when you treat me with gentleness,

It raises the question in my mind

That maybe He is gentle too.

Maybe He isn't someone

Who laughs when I am hurt.

Do you know,

Do you understand,

That when you listen to my questions

And you don't laugh,

I think, "What if Jesus is interested in me, too?"

Do you know,

Do you understand,

That when I hear you talk about arguments,

And conflicts and scars from your past,

I think, "Maybe I am just a regular person

Instead of a bad, no-good little girl

Who deserves abuse."

If you care,

I think maybe He cares --

And then there's this flame of hope

That burns inside of me,

And for a while I am afraid to breathe

Because it might go out.

Do you know,

Do you understand,

That your words are His words,

Your face is His face,

To someone like me?

Please, be who you say you are.

Please, God, don't let this be another trick.

Please, let this be real.

Please!

Do you know,

Do you understand,

That you represent

Jesus to me?

What a reminder that if we identify ourselves with Christ we are His ambassadors on earth. How amazing, how humbling, how mind-blowing that God is able to work through poor, sinful humans such as you and me for His glory when we walk with Him.

Count Your Blessings

(I needed this, and thought I'd share with you also.)

When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed,

When you are discouraged thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

(Chorus)

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings -- every doubt will fly,

And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,

Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;

Count your many blessings -- wealth can never buy

Your reward in Heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict, whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged, God is over all;

Count your many blessings, angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

Johnson Oatman, Jr.

Indescribable

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea

Creation's revealing Your majesty.

From the colours of fall to the fragrance of spring

Every creature unique in the song that it sings,

All exclaiming...

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.

You are amazing, God.

All-powerful, untamable,

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim,

"You are amazing, God."

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go,

Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?

Who imagined the sun and gave source to its light,

{And} yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night?

None can fathom...

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.

You are amazing, God.

All-powerful, untamable,

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim,

"You are amazing, God."

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.

You are amazing, God.

Incomparable, unchangeable,

You see the depths of my heart, yet You love me the same.

You are amazing, God.

~Lyrics by Laura Story, sung by Chris Tomlin

Smile

Smile- though your heart is aching -

Smile- even though its breaking -

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow.

Smile, and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through

For you.

Light up your face with gladness,

Hide any trace of sadness,

Although a tear may be ever so near.

That's the time you must keep on trying,

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you'll just

Smile.

Turner & Parsons, music by Charlie Chaplin

Ramblings from a patient learning patience

Happy New Year! It's been a while since I've blogged, hasn't it. Fact is, life has been so topsy-turvy for the past couple of months that I haven't known where to start whenever I felt the urge to write. University exams & results, interstate adventures, intense moments of stretching, and the wonder of Christmas celebrated with friends and family have all been so precious, but as with so many things in this life, they have come at a price.

Does it sound awfully melodramatic if I say the price has been my health? Yes, I'm afraid it does. Immediately I picture myself as a worn-out hypochondriac wearying the world with her excuses of fatigue, dizziness, and sheer exhaustion! What an active imagination I must have. I hope it makes you smile. :-)

But seriously, all the events of last year have finally caught up with me and now I am submitting more or less meekly to my body's demands for rest. Ruefully I recall repeated entreaties from concerned friends and family not to overdo things last year. And yet, I was convinced for much of the time that I could manage my workload without overtaxing myself. Of course as the year wore on I began to realise how all my endeavours were wearing me down, but try telling a self-confessed perfectionist she cannot do everything! I knew I was pushing it, trying to pull off everything I had committed myself to, but I couldn't bring myself to drop anything. Somehow by God's grace I managed to complete everything without letting anyone down, and for that I give thanks.

Don't misunderstand me, I thoroughly enjoyed a lot of my commitments, and truly gained much experience from them, but it was so hard to smile and pretend to be fine when I knew I was half a step away from having a meltdown (sounds better than a breakdown!). I coped because I had to, but there were moments when I couldn't pretend, and they were the hardest of all. Increasingly social gatherings became more and more difficult as I found it too tiring to start conversations or even follow other people's, and so I would try to sit by myself and zone out from it all. It's only natural, I suppose, that people should have been surprised to find me such a worn-out shadow when I hadn't the energy to pretend otherwise, but it hurt how such people couldn't understand how that was actually part of the *real* me.

Now, of course, I am paying for the indefatigable facade I created for myself, and I must admit it hurts my pride a little to have to convince people that I am indeed exhausted. I have a horror of sounding like a drama queen who exaggerates her situation in order to get sympathy, but how do you tell active, healthy people that some days it wears you out just to sit up in a chair and talk, and that after 2 weeks of barely stirring outside of the house you still don't feel any better? I suppose I sound a little bitter, but I'm trying not to be. I'm occasionally frustrated at my situation, but I'm trying to be patient and ride it out. I also know if I try to do too much too soon I'll probably make it all much worse. :-P

The thing is, so many of us take our health for granted (now I sound middle-aged and balding!). I know I did. I don't like being stuck in bed or at home on the couch! But it has been good for me, very good for me, for it has forced me to look at the reasons why I want my strength back. Why am I asking God to give me back my strength and health? What would I use it for? Do I only want it so I can misuse it again? How can I use my health better for His glory? These are not questions I have answers for, but I am trying to seek them out. For one thing, I know I want to live as an active Christian at my university and work, seeking to be known as a Christian as well as a musician and friendly person, seeking to show them something of the beauty and magnitude and comfort of Christ's love.

In the meantime, I'm continuing to nut it out at home, looking for opportunities to use this time wisely, to be helpful around the house without tiring myself out and to help others when I can, even if it means being creative! I have also been to the doctor and had a blood test, for if there is anything seriously wrong with me I'd rather know now than in the middle of semester! But it could just as easily be a persistent virus that has decided it likes me very much, so I'm not overly anxious (I think!). At any rate, God is using this time to teach me patience, so I am trying to make the most of it. Surely the year will fly past before I know it, so I may as well enjoy the slowness of these weeks while I can.

Thanks for reading my ramblings throughout the past year. I have been very inconsistent and sporadic in my postings, but I shall try and write more insightful posts throughout the year when I find the time. In the meantime I shall leave you with these verses from Proverbs that the visiting preacher reminded us of on the first Sunday of this year. :-)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

Never Alone

I waited for You today
But You didn't show;
No, no, no...
I needed You today,
So where did You go?
You told me to call,
Said You'd be there,
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side,
So I'll hold tight to what I know--
You're here and I'm never alone.

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life,
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me.
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen.

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side,
So I'll hold tight to what I know--
You're here and I'm never alone.

We cannot separate,

'Cause You're part of me.
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen.

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side,
So I'll hold tight to what I know--
You're here and I'm never alone.

The Camp

A friend discovered this article and shared it, and I thought I would share with you also. You don't have to be a superhero to impact someone's world for the better.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002356.cfm

Raining on the inside

When all goodbyes
Are said and done,
And nighttime finds you home,
Are you all right
To spend a night
Of being all alone?

And do you hide
Between the lines
Of conversations past?
A wall of words,
A heart unheard,
That hides behind a mask?

I'm raining on the inside;
My heart wells up with tears that start to pour.
I'm raining on the inside,
But then Your cries of love break through,
And I fall in love with You once more.

When friends who care
Can't be there
To ease away my pain,
And peace of mind,
It's hard to find,
Like sunlight in the rain.

God sees my heart,
The deepest part,
Inside this lonely me,
And reachin' in,
His love begins
To heal the heart in me.

I'm raining on the inside;
Oh, my heart weels up with tears that start to pour.
I'm raining on the inside,
But then Your cries of love break through,
And I fall in love with You once more.

Sometimes we're raining on the inside,
And our hearts well up with tears that start to pour.
But when we're raining on the inside,
Let His cries of love break through,
Know that He loves you, once more....

Sometimes I'm raining on the inside,
But then Your cries of love break through,
And I fall in love with You once more.

Amy Grant

Hymn

O Jesus, I have promised

To serve Thee to the end;

Be Thou for ever near me,

My Master and my Friend:

I shall not fear the battle

If Thou art by my side,

Nor wander from the pathway

If Thou wilt be my Guide.

O let me feel Thee near me:

The world is ever near;

I see the sights that dazzle,

The tempting sounds I hear;

My foes are ever near me,

Around me and within;

But, Jesus, draw Thou nearer,

And shield my soul from sin.

O let me hear Thee speaking

In accents clear and still,

Above the storms of passion,

The murmurs of self-will;

O speak to reassure me,

To hasten or control;

O speak, and make me listen,

Thou Guardian of my soul.

O Jesus, Thou hast promised,

To all who follow Thee,

That where Thou art in glory

There shall Thy servant be;

And, Jesus, I have promised

To serve Thee to the end;

O give me grace to follow,

My Master and my Friend.

John Ernest Bode, 1816-74

How Beautiful

How beautiful the Hands that served

The wine and the bread and the sons of the earth.

How beautiful the Feet that walked

The long dusty roads and the hill to the cross.

How beautiful... How beautiful... How beautiful is the body of Christ.

How beautiful the Heart that bled

That took all my sin and bore it instead.

How beautiful the tender Eyes,

That choose to forgive and never despise.

How beautiful... How beautiful... How beautiful is the body of Christ.

And as He lay down His life,

We offer this sacrifice:

That we will live just as He died,

Willing to pay the price...

Willing to pay the price.

How beautiful the radiant bride

Who waits for her Groom with His light in her eyes.

How beautiful when humble hearts give

The fruit of pure lives so that others may live.

How beautiful... How beautiful... How beautiful is the body of Christ.

How beautiful the feet that bring

The sound of good news and the love of the King.

How beautiful the hands that serve

The wine and the bread and the sons of the earth.

How beautiful... How beautiful... How beautiful is the body of Christ.

Music & Lyrics by Twila Paris

Lost in a musical reverie

I love how music can cause my heart to ache with sorrow or happiness...

how music stimulates my imagination...

how music can cause me to feel completely and utterly engaged when I hear it...

how music teaches me more and more about myself...

how music can convey powerful messages without a word...

Last night I had a musical experience that ranks up there with some of my most cherished memories. I was one of over 300 musicians on stage that performed Verdi's Requiem in front of a sell-out audience at the Melbourne Town Hall. I cannot even begin to describe the thrill of emotions I and my fellow musicians experienced, truly a case of music speaking where words fail. I am so utterly, utterly blessed to be studying music.

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Spring loveliness

Stop. Take a breath, a deep breath. Count to 10, or 20 if you like, or pick some completely random number just for fun. Look around you. Notice the colours, textures, pictures around you. Listen.

As it seems to be the first gloriously sunshiny spring day in Melbourne for the year, I thought I'd stop and appreciate it. So, taking an old tablecloth to sit on, myself, my pillow, my journal, a book, and my laptop, out into the garden I went to reacquaint myself with spring. Yes, it is finally here!! The soft breeze, the differing shades of green and foliage emerging, and the buzzing insects are strangely calming to me (well, maybe not the insects!), and I find myself so glad to be alive. As I've mentioned on here earlier, I've never been a fan of lugubrious winters, no matter how cozy it may feel to sit in front of a roaring fire with friends.

Moments like this make me wonder how amazing eternity will be. It's a concept we mere mortals cannot fully grasp, and at times scares me, but when I look at the beauty of God's creation even despite the consequences of the fall, and flip through endless pages of God's promises in my Bible... well, words fail. How great is God? I cannot answer, I have not the depth of words or understanding to respond as I ought. All I know is, as Isaac Watts poetically expresses it,

Were the whole realm of nature mine,

Such were an offering far too small;

Love so amazing, so divine,

Demands my soul, my life, my all.

No matter what trials and troubles may come at me tomorrow, I just want to be thankful for the gift of today. :-)

Join all the glorious names

Join all the glorious names

Of wisdom, love, and power,

That ever mortals knew,

That angels ever bore:

All are too mean to speak His worth,

Too mean to set my Saviour forth.

Great Prophet of my God,

My tongue would bless Thy Name;

By Thee the joyful news

Of our salvation came, --

The joyful news of sins forgiven,

Of hell subdued, and peace with heaven.

Jesus, my great High Priest,

Offered His blood and died;

My guilty conscience seeks

No sacrifice beside:

His powerful blood did once atone,

And now it pleads before the throne.

My dear Almighty Lord,

My Conqueror and my King,

Thy scepter and Thy sword,

Thy reigning grace, I sing:

Thine is the power: behold, I sit

In willing bonds before Thy feet.

Now let my soul arise,

And tread the tempter down:

My Captain leads me forth

To conquest and a crown:

A feeble saint shall win the day,

Though death and hell obstruct the way.

Isaac Watts, 1674-1748

Joy

It's been a while, I know, since my last post here. I've done the odd thing or two, got a job, returned to uni, rediscovered my love of cooking, cuddled a newborn baby, laughed, cried, met new people, explored new places... so I guess it's not that surprising that this blog of mine has suffered!

I think I must ask you to forgive me in advance, for I strongly suspect this post will ramble. I know not where it will take me, truth be told, for I feel an outburst of joy within me and it seems to be spilling out into everything I do today. So if you are hoping for a strongly edited, structured, and disciplined post such as I usually try to publish, I'm afraid you will be disappointed. But then again, maybe you won't be, as you are introduced to yet another intriguing facet of this writer!

Joy. It's a wonderful word. It's a wonderful emotion, perhaps treasured all the more by people who have suffered, people who have been hurting. It's like seeing a beautiful sunrise on an early morning. It comes upon you all of a sudden, and suddenly you are glad to be alive again. But how do we find this joy? Why do some people seem to have it *all* the time? Is it just an attitude, or is it a decision? Can it be both?

I hope you don't expect me to answer all those questions, for you and I would be here an awfully long time if I tried, but as I ponder these questions I think about who or what gives me joy. Not surprisingly my list contains my family, music, and... my Saviour!! My family gives me joy as I encounter their precious personalities, their foibles, their love, their dedication to serving God through their lives. Music gives me joy as I enter a world unseen, as I encounter expressions of human emotion or depictions of scenes and storylines in a precious language. And my Saviour gives me joy through who He is, what He has done for me, and my day by day relationship with Him.

It's the joy I find in Jesus that deepens and enhances the joy I find in everything else, for He is the most precious Person I have in my life. My family, while I love them dearly, are mere mortals like myself and cannot sustain me every moment of every day, for they have their own cares and concerns too! Music, whilst a wonderful gift, is not a living being, and thus cannot understand me. If I pour out my feelings to a piano, it will not play me a concerto in response in and of itself. It needs a living being to bring it to life. So music also has its failings. But Jesus is always with me, even to the ends of the earth. He sees into my very soul, and amazingly loves me despite my failings and impurities. He gives meaning to my life, for through Him

I can come into the presence of my Heavenly Father, the One who created the universe complete.

God gives us family. God gives us music. But He also gives us Himself and His Word, the greatest Gift any human can receive. Through the ups and downs of life, the joys and the deepest sorrows, His the best joy, the best love, the best comfort we can ever know.

My life flows on in endless song

Above earth's lamentation

I hear the sweet though far off hymn

That hails a new creation:

Through all the tumult and the strife

I hear the music ringing;

It finds an echo in my soul--

How can I keep from singing?

What though my joys and comforts die?

The Lord my Saviour liveth;

What though the darkness gather round!

Songs in the night He giveth:

No storm can shake my inmost calm

While to that refuge clinging;

Since Christ is Lord of Heav'n and earth,

How can I keep from singing?

I lift my eyes; the cloud grows thin;

I see the blue above it;

And day by day this pathway smoothes

Since first I learned to love it:

The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,

A fountain ever springing;

All things are mine since I am His--

How can I keep from singing?

Robert Lowry, 1860

Ponderings

This afternoon I acted on an impulse and read through my previous journal, curious to rediscover the Bronwyn Nicholson of only a few years ago. Wow, talk about a fascinating & interesting hour! I laughed, recalled precious and bittersweet memories, felt older & wiser, and, at times, felt strangely sad and inexperienced compared to Bronwyn-the-16/17-year-old. In so many entries she appears a lot older and wiser than I remember her to be. Interesting. I can't help but wonder what she would think of me as I am now. I then idly ponder whether somewhere, someday, someone will stumble across my writings and what they would think of the person they discover inside...

One thing that struck me as I read was the proof God has been faithful throughout my life. Looking back I can see how His hand was guiding me, even during times where I couldn't sense it. I also see how pleas and prayers I cried out in my distress were answered in ways I did not expect. These are the lyrics to Christian singer Brooke Fraser's song, "Faithful," and I think I know what she means now...

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave;

I wave my arms round about me and blow with all my might.

I cannot sense You close, though I know You're always here,

But the comfort of You near is what I long for.

(Chorus)

When I can't feel You, I have learned to reach out just the same;

When I can't hear You, I know You still hear every word I pray;

And I want You more than I want to live another day;

And as I wait for You, maybe I'm made more faithful.

All the folly of the past -- though I know it is undone

I still feel the guilty one still trying to make it right.

So I whisper soft Your name, let it roll around my tongue,

Knowing You're the only One who knows me.

You know me...

(Chorus)

Show me how I should live this...

Show me where I should walk...

I count this world as loss to me,

You are all I want.

You are all I want.

(Chorus)